I suppose this is really overdue, as I’ve been back in the states for more than five months. I’m amazed at how quickly it’s gone.. and how much I still miss those precious kids. I think I’ve finally adjusted, but it was rough at first. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I’m pretty sure I thought I would be immune to reverse culture shock. I wasn’t.
Summer was hard, having an office job was hard, only speaking English was hard, going back to school was hard, living with 30 other college girls was hard, and the list goes on. I must say, I am SO grateful to the people who put up with me for those first few weeks/months and still love me! …If I’m being honest I’m sure I was not easy to love.
Like I said, I still miss the orphanage a lot. And I’m still considering returning. Not to the orphanage necessarily, but to Peru. I wanted to go back and teach English to support myself, volunteering at the orphanage or other organizations in my free time. However, I’ve decided that probably wouldn’t be ideal. If I go back, I want to either save the money or raise support so that I can do ministry full time. Which probably means that returning to Peru is not a right now thing. Instead I’m probably going to live in Indiana, work forty hours a week at a “normal people” job, speak lots of English, and seek to serve Jesus where I’m at. Pray for me, if you would, because it won’t be easy.
All of this has been hard to process, and I’m not sure how much actual processing I’ve done. I suppose I need to surrender more than I need to process. I worry more than I should. I’m more selfish than I realize. And, I guess I’m still not easy to love a lot of times. It seems that as soon as I think I’ve learned my lesson, there I am, needing to learn it once again. Such is the life of a sinner… and I’m so glad that He who began a good work in me will carry it to completion.
go forward, go backward
avoid, embrace
yes, no
up, down
hustle, bustle
BAM.
done, broken, tired
bleeding, aching, dying
BAND-AID!
and back to work:
planning, calling, sending
listening, trying, vying,
manipulating, crying, dying
hanging on by a thread tied to
nothing
all the while in the hand of the One who
loves, knows, cares, rules
conquered, sacrificed, pursued
grasping the thread tied to nothing,
standing in the hand of Everything
and why oh why don’t I lay down that nothing
that I might rest in the Everything?
December 22nd, 2011 at 1:48 pm
[...] want to go. Nope, He called me to follow Him here, to be content where I’m at, to serve Him. That “I’m probably going to live in Indiana, work forty hours a week..” thing is reality. And His call has been every bit as real as His call to Peru, even though [...]