Bad at resting, good at wasting time

I often find that it is so hard for me to rest, to intentionally set aside time to relax. Unhurried lingerings in devotions, reflection, or even just being are so rarely a part of my daily agenda. It seems that the second I take a moment to rest, I get overwhelmed with the 456,438 things I’ve been meaning to get done, and I simply can’t sit still. After all, I’ll focus better and more fully enjoy my rest when I don’t have an eleven page to-do list. Right?

Well, I guess I don’t know.. because I’ve always had an eleven page to-do list. I need to clean out my closet, respond to Facebook messages, go for a run, text three people back, catch up on work stuff, send 17 emails, make a budget, follow that budget, finish my orphanage journal, scrapbook the last 22 years of my life (yes, that’s all of them), vacuum my car, learn how to pray, get my grandma a Christmas present, do laundry, and the list goes on.. And on.. And on..

But somehow – though you’d never know it by looking at my inbox full of messages awaiting reply – I logged into my Facebook at least twenty times yesterday. Yep, I checked my web history.. and I feel a bit disgusted with myself. Everything inside of me is trying to justify that right now. I was surely only on for a few minutes each time. I probably miscounted, maybe it was less. Maybe I accidentally logged in once or twice.

Yuck. Twenty times and I couldn’t set aside just thirty minutes to be still? To breathe, To refresh, to ponder? I wish I could say yesterday was a strange day, that I never check my Facebook that often. But I probably do. Buuuut, I’m done, because that’s ridiculous. [What am I “checking” for anyway? gossip material? proof that my life is or isn’t better than anyone else’s? another message I won’t respond to for a week or month? I’m not really sure.. but I’m sure it’s not a good use of my time or mind.] I’ll continue to use Facebook; it definitely serves a purpose. I just don’t want it to take over my life.

Side note: this is also further proof that I should not have a smartphone. . Facebook at my fingertips 24/7? Not good. No, I’m not hating on smartphones. But no, I should absolutely not have one personally. Though I wouldn’t mind having a phone with working buttons.. if anyone with a fancy smartphone has an old, fancy, not so smart phone they want to give me. I have Verizon. Donations are welcome.

Aaand now I’m just rambling (and shamelessly begging?). But let’s be real. How often do we have time for Facebook, but not rest? Twitter and Pinterest, but not Jesus? Texting and television, but not people?

I want to learn how to rest. I want to choose Jesus, and people, and life to the full (John 10:10). I’ll have to fight for it, of that I’m sure. But I’m also sure that it will be worth it.

“One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time.” -John Piper

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